With you for thirteen years CH13

Chapter 13: The Thirteenth Year

Hai Ruo:

Seeing this will you might feel weirded out, but let's make this clear, this isn't a prank that appeared out of nowhere, this also isn't your imagination or an illusion. This piece of paper and the words on it are all the words I want to say.

Today I'm not feeling too well, while you're out purchasing food I am using this time to print this out of the computer, of course, these few lines of words are what I added on just now. The words I wrote before one after the other it took about a month's time, after all having a cat's body it isn't that convenient to type words, all of this can only be blamed on those that haven't invented a keyboard suitable for a cat yet.

Don't know if my words made you laugh, if it didn't, then it only shows to prove that my communication skills are still as bad as it was in the past.

As bad as when I was still a human being.

Yes, I was once a human being, don't know what really happened during death but I was able to survive taking over this kitten's body, after opening my eyes I saw you, at that time I was only a week-old kitten, you took care of me and helped me survive, I'm really grateful.

I know that I shouldn't be speaking to you so politely, but I also don't know what I should say specifically.

During those countless hours I had so many words to say to you, but now I don't know what I should say to you, when I was still a human I was always so awkward, wasn't congenial, not speaking for so many years my words are becoming incoherent.

I don't want to tell you who I was as a human being, because it is meaningless to go looking up my past, you definitely would go do this, and doing this would only make you more upset,  before we didn't know each other, and never crossed intersections.

I don't have much physical strength and time remaining, I will try my best to make this long story short, if I can finish saying it, I could probably say it to you until my throat is sore.

First of all, I really love you, Hai Ruo.

It's that type, between human beings, that type between a man and a woman.

You might say that this is some kind of nestling effect (I remember you once told me about this) but I'm pretty certain that it's not, and even if I had never fallen in love before, I know it's not.

Actually I'm also not sure how I know, only feeling that getting to meet you it's really great, not even having that same kind of regret dying like before.

Every time I see you I would think there's still meaning in living, and every time that you caress me I would think that getting to live as a cat is still pretty good.

I still need to say it one time, sorry, these years I tried my best to avoid you while you were changing your clothes, but probably something was still seen, apologizing at this time would make it seem opportunistic, and I know that you wouldn't be able to bear blaming me.

Saying that I would make a long story short I have already said too much, there's still the most important question to discuss. I might seem too arrogant here, but I feel that your feelings towards me aren't as simple as ones to a family member, it should also be love.

I hope it is the same kind I have towards you.

I remember you saying that you won't fall in love with anyone, then, when I'm not a living human, can you think over if you have fallen in love with me.

I relied on this thinking to support myself and not hold any resentment to becoming a cat, after realizing this illusion, being a cat became more simple.

I once fantasized about accompanying you for a lifetime, once fantasized that since a thing such as a soul transferring happened, then could some other kind of supernatural thing happen, for example, I could transform into a human being, could live on forever, could make you fall in love with me, in the way that could make a woman love a man.

But, perhaps it's because the possibility of a miracle happening twice is too tiny, I feel, that once again my life is about to come to an end.

Right here, I need to apologize again, for concealing my illness from you, really sorry.

Once I knew about my condition, I was also super sad, I worried about lots of things, couldn't let go of many things, the thing I couldn't let go of the most was you.

I couldn't let go of you, no matter what I couldn't let go of you, I'm your only family member, you only have me left.

For this kind of thought, because I wanted to be the closest one to you I was happy over it, but now, the amount of happiness I felt during that time is the same amount of unwillingness I feel.

Unwilling to part with your cooking, unwilling to part with your poem readings, unwilling to part with the scenery you showed me, unwilling to part with the sensation of your finger softly touching my nose, unwilling to part with the fragrance unique to you, unwilling to part with you who would pick me up and twirl around with an excited look.

And the thing I'm most unwilling to part with, is you sad and going through a hard time.

I used to think, if I left, I don't want you to find someone else, or another pet. I know that you won't forget me, and that the love you have for me is one of a kind, but I can't get through it in my heart.

Want to monopolize you, want to become the only one in your life.

This is the feeling that I can't help but feel every time I see someone expressing good intentions towards you, feeling gloomy and jealous.

But now, I don't think this way anymore.

Go and raise another cat, or a dog, a white one, a flowery one, a striped one, even a black colored one is ok, if you can, finding a boyfriend to take of you would be best.

Need to put in some emotions, only when you feel a plentitude of happiness will you truly be happy.

But don't be too quick, sorry, let me be a bit more selfish, at least one-two years after ok. Don't come out so quick, please be sad for me for a little bit longer, then settle down, calm your mentality, and go out to find the person or creature that can bring you happiness.

Then, once you think of me again, smile.

That's already enough.

Right here are the things I'm writing right now, now it's already winter, don't know if you remember, yesterday was the day you picked me up thirteen years ago.

During these thirteen years, accompanying you for thirteen years, this was the happiest thing that has ever happened to me in both my human and cat lives. 

If when you come back and I'm still awake, that would be great, you can accompany me till my death.

Sorry, I couldn't accompany you for a lifetime, I want to accompany you longer, but I'm feeling a little tired, I'm going to sleep a bit first, is that ok.

Only a bit.

Love you, DongDong.

SMALL THEATER:

On this day, after Hai Ruo came back, she saw, DongDong laying at his usual spot on the sofa, a white piece of paper laid at his side.

"DongDong?" She probingly called out, these days he's a little too sleepy, many times during the middle of the night Hai Ruo would wake up, worried that he would forever stay in his dreams never waking up.

"Meow." DongDong didn't raise his head, the eyes narrowly, opened once.

Looking at her.

Then, fell asleep. 

When Hai Ruo walked over, she found that he had already stopped breathing, forever resting.

Translator note: Rest well DongDong. 

Prev            Table of Contents            Next